ancestors biblestuck the_handmaid the_sufferer wakor

Edit | Respond

10 comments (0 hidden)

Nyre >> #22942
Posted on 2013-04-17 21:59:45 Score: 14 (vote Up/Down)   (Report as spam)
Gonna quote the text on the site. Because it is a thing of beauty:

4 Then the Sufferer was led into the wilderness by the Higher to be scalded and starved. 2 After starving his ass off for forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 The tempter came to him and said, “If you are truly the Prophet of the People, why not fight back against your aggressors?”

4 The Sufferer answered, “It is written: ‘Troll shall not kill another troll, and shall live on the fullest extent of peace as possible.”

5 Then the Handmaid took him to the undersea alcazar and held him under the water, watching him writhe under the pressure. 6 “If you truly had to fight for your life, you would kill,” she said. “Attack me, Prophet. Though you will not succeed, I will reward you for the effort. You could be a Butler alongside me and share our burden.”

7 The Sufferer answered her, “It is also written: ‘Like fuck am I going to be your slimy skull-daddy’s butler, forget about it. I’d rather hang myself with my own tongue.’” I suspect you improvised that, the Handmaid replied. No, seriously, I can send you a copy of the scripture retorted the Sufferer.

8 Again, the Handmaid took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor.

9 “All this you can have,” she said, “if you will bow down and worship the Lord of Double-Death.”

10 The Sufferer said to her, “Step off, bitch, and get those razor sharp tits away from me lest you poke an eye out or some shit.”

11 Then the Handmaid left him, and the disciples came and attended him.

Anonymous >> #22943
Posted on 2013-04-17 22:07:35 Score: 5 (vote Up/Down)   (Report as spam)
Amen .

Anonymous >> #22947
Posted on 2013-04-17 22:22:06 Score: 4 (vote Up/Down)   (Report as spam)
Oh god Handmaid what happened to your neck

Ninety >> #23051
Posted on 2013-04-18 21:49:07 Score: 4 (vote Up/Down)   (Report as spam)
Oh God somebody write that Gospel.

suomynonA >> #23054
Posted on 2013-04-18 22:01:20 Score: 3 (vote Up/Down)   (Report as spam)
who would be Judas tho?

Beelzebibble >> #23055
Posted on 2013-04-18 22:04:43 Score: 3 (vote Up/Down)   (Report as spam)
The Psionic, that douthebag.

Mr_Ruse >> #23071
Posted on 2013-04-19 01:16:40 Score: 11 (vote Up/Down)   (Report as spam)
"Again the Alternians cried out to the SUFFERER, and he gave them a deliverer - Summoner, a beat-dropping man, the dude with horns way too fucking big. The Alternians sent him with tirbute to the Highblood of Dope. Now Summoner had made a long-bladed lance about a bulge long, which he strappped to his right thigh under his slacks. He presented the tribute to the Highblood of Dope, who was a very fat motherfucker. After Summoner had presented the tribute, he sent on their way those lost boys who had carried it. But upon reaching the stone images near the River That Flows Like Sick Rhymes he himself went back to the Highblood and said "yOUR HIGHNESS, i HAVE A SECRET MESSAGE FOR YOU,". The Highblood said to his merry court "FUCK OFF!" And they all fucked off.

Summoner then approached him while he was sitting alone in the upper room of his carnaval and said "i HAVE A MESSAGE FROM THE SUFFERER FOR YOU," As the Highblood flipped his shit, Summoner reached with his left hand, drew the lance from his right thigh and shanked the Highblood like the bitch that he was. Even the handle sank into the fatass' many rolls of fat and he promptly shat himself. Then Summoner spoke the words "yIPPY-KYE-YAY, mOTHERFUCKER,", went out to the porch; he shut the doors of the upper room behind him and locked them.

After he had gone, the servants came and found the doors of the upper room locked. They said "He must be taking the mother of all dumps." They waited a long-ass fucking time until they got sick of that shit, they took a key and unlocked the doors. There they saw their fallen lord fallen to the floor, dead as fuck."

- Judges the shit out of you 3:15-25

Anonymous >> #40739
Posted on 2014-03-31 05:01:38 Score: 1 (vote Up/Down)   (Report as spam)
Jumping cats...
Can some please us their imagination (as I am lacking in that respect) and right more Sufferer verse?

suomynonA >> #40743
Posted on 2014-03-31 08:16:16 Score: 1 (vote Up/Down)   (Report as spam)
Judges 3:16 verse 1

And thus sayeth the lord: GO SOCKS

Mr_Ruse >> #40757
Posted on 2014-03-31 20:12:34 Score: 3 (vote Up/Down)   (Report as spam)
"Finding a fresh jawbone of a mulebeast, he grabbed it and struck down a thousand trolls. Then the Disciple said;

>:33 < with a mulebeasts jawbone
>:33 < i fucked up those assholes
>:33 < with a mulebeasts jawbone
>:33 < i have killed a thousand trolls"

- Judges the shit out of you 15:15-16